I’ve tried my best to deny it. I’ve tried to wait it out. I knew that depression was dropping by from time to time, but I was hoping it would always leave once the day was done. Unfortunately, this weekend depression brought a suitcase full of all of my shortcomings and a heavy blanket to shield my brain from any happiness that might exist. I no longer suffer from dark days. I am just suffering from the dark. I was a fool to believe that I could fight this off on my own and now I am left to sit in this crushing numbness.
I can see the frustration on my mother’s face. She wanted me to catch this sooner. I can see how desperate my sister is to help. But I’ve waited too long and it’s too late. All I can do is wait for my psychiatrist to charge me one-hundred and twenty dollars for fifteen god damn minutes of time so that she might adjust my medication. I am at the mercy of the chemicals in my head and all I can do is operate on autopilot until this is fixed.
One dark day after the next. Numbness toward all I see. God help me, I’m tired.
Not sure this post is all that coherent. Hard to give a damn. May those of you that read it be in a far better place than I am.