I’ve written about dark days before on here. I wake up into these days full of gloom and desperation. Everything I try to do is more difficult. Every conversation I have is torturous. Lately, I’m having a lot of dark days. This typically means one thing: I’m getting depressed.
This is particularly inconvenient at the moment. I’m currently taking my first college course in three years. My family and I are trying to save money for another trip to Universal Studios so we can immerse ourselves in all things Potter related. My psychiatrist is expensive. Also, I hate my psychiatrist. So my usual patterns are of dealing with depression are gone, or at least, unappealing.
So instead of fixing my depression with a pill, I’m trying something that is (for me) radically different. I’m trying to fix my depression with God. I’ve been reading my Bible more lately. I’ve been trying to pray with the idea that someone might actually be listening. I’ve been reading some of Anne Lamott’s work. In all honesty, it’s a bizarre moment in time for me. God and I have rarely spoken in the past and Christianity and I haven’t gotten along at all. But, as much as my more skeptical and cynical self would hate to admit it, something about this is working. While my connection to God still needs some major adjustments (my dark days don’t completely vanish when I involve Him) I do feel that a little light is let in when I let Him have a say.
Eventually, I’m going to need a med adjustment. I know it’s coming. But right now, I’m happy to know that there is someone else rooting for me to find the light.