Every so often I wake up to what I like to call a “down day.” Everything is more difficult. I am already exhausted. I don’t want to leave the house. My down day isn’t part of an extended episode of depression. It comes out of nowhere, completely unannounced, even if the last day was completely fine.
Today was a down day, which is particularly inconvenient because I’m supposed to be accompanying my mom to a myriad of doctor’s appointments because she is not only suffering from a serious episode of depression, but also a severe back problem that causes her a great deal of pain. When she needs help it’s my job to rise to the occasion, to champion her recovery until she is ready to go it alone.
I know I let people down when I wake-up this way. Experience tells me that I have to sleep in order to reset this suffocating and exhausting darkness that greets me in the morning. I hate disappointing my family. It is the one thing in my life I pride myself on when it comes to my ability to rise to the task, to take on the problem, no matter how difficult.
So, I guess today kind of sucks. Right now all I want is a few days of little to no activity. I’m tired and I feel like I’m running on empty.
Oh, and to top it all off, I found out I have jury duty at the end of the month.